Friday, January 27, 2006
A dream realized, and a dream broken 

[Backdated Wednesday, 25th January 2006 1:07 AM]

To sum up tonight’s Backstreet Boys concert in one word- surreal.

I mean, it was fantastic. Their vocals were powerful, the songs jazzed up and delivered pitch-perfect and the dance moves sleek. But I was so lost in the moment I can’t remember what really happened and it seems like all I did was scream and scream and scream.

My favouritest part of the concert was when the boys huddled around a piano with Nick on leads and Kevin playing- I kept calling out Brian’s name (above everyone else’s screaming), and he said a cheeky "I hear you!" in a cartoonish voice and smiled at me. Or at least I like to think it was directed at me. Pat’s skeptical, but hey, I was the only girl in the whole stadium shouting his name again and again throughout the concert.

And now that the excitement’s died down, I’m beginning to feel a little stupid and disappointed.

Backstreet Boys used to be a big part of my life. In fact, the reason why I even thought that Christianity was cool was because they were always thanking God and quoting the Bible in their liner notes.

It would be a gross understatement to say that I was obsessed with Brian. I spent at least a thousand dollars buying all their albums and singles, foreign magazines that as much as name-dropped them and other memorabilia. I memorized facts about him, learnt his signature and kept a diary detailing inane details of my life with dorky photos, thought of names for our children and my sister even gave me a pretend Christmas card signed off from him and our kids, haha!

I genuinely believed I would marry him and built a whole fantasy life in my head. You can imagine my devastation when he got engaged to and eventually married a buxomly blonde. I really don’t remember, but according to my sister who shared a room with me, I locked myself in the bedroom and cried for hours.

Well, I grew up and grew out of him. I touched based with reality and stopped projecting him onto every guy I dated, enough to fall hopelessly in love with a man who ended up breaking my heart. (But that’s another entry.)

Still, seeing him in the flesh tonight was a dream come true for me. Yet it also sunk in that I was just another crazy fan in the crowd, that he wasn’t going to remember me after flying a dozen countries for the world tour and was returning home to his wife and baby boy.

So my silly Brian fantasy was both realized and broken at the same time tonight. The irony of life!

I guess I’m just a little emotional from the whole event, but I am sure life will resume normalcy tomorrow and there’ll be new experiences awaiting me. Till then!

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Female. Singaporean
Traveller. Bookworm.
Coffee Addict.
Amateur Photographer.
Wannabe Fashionista.
Museum Geek.

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