In the evenings I'd get together with friends, watch videos, whatever, anything to leave myself as little free time as possible.
But the struggle was fruitless.
There was only one thing I had any desire to do: I wanted to see Hitoshi.
Yet at all costs I had to keep my hands and body and mind moving. Doing that, I hoped, albeit listlessly, would somehow, someday, lead to a breakthrough. There was no guarantee, but I would try to endure, no matter what,until it came. When my dog died, when my bird died, I had gotten through in more or less the same way.
But it was different this time. Without a prospect in sight, day after day went by, like losing's one mind bit by bit. I would repeat to myself, like a prayer: It's all right, it's all right, the day will come when you'll pull out of this.
- An excerpt from "Moonlight Shadow" by Banana Yoshimoto