Friday, September 17, 2010
24 hours in Singapore 
The last 2 weeks have been a whirlwind of frantic packing and teary farewells, of last-minute shopping (I went to as many op shops as I could to procure myself some "one-off" Melbournian clothes) and ethnic cuisines (Ethiopian twice a week, Carribean, Szechuan... Singapore cannot eat one!), of hitting the road and being shutter-happy.
The day before I was flying home, my laptop died on me. It just fizzled and sizzled and all the magic spells in the world couldn't bring it back to life. After a bit of a drama, I had E drive me to the nearest computer shop and bought myself a new Lenovo laptop for under $500. I felt like my entire life was in that laptop, and I swear I would have a complete breakdown if I didn't get a new one immediately. And we managed to buy a portable hard disk case, pry open the old laptop and transfer the data onto the new one, 2 hours before I was to get on my plane, thank God!
It's been over 24 hours since I've landed home, and everything smells like it does in the tropics. It's the awkward familiar humidity which I promised myself not to complain about. All over town malls are exploding and I am completely disoriented and have had to depend on Mellie (who has only moved here for 3 months) to tell me where's where. I looked so lost at the train station that the uncle gave me an MRT map of the new system. A stranger in my native land, making a quiet re-entry into my hometown.
Everything in my life, inside and outside has changed and I am fighting every bone in my body not to be emotional about it. I miss you more than words can say, but I have to learn to live in the now, be grateful for what I have, appreciate the people around.
Labels: confession, culture, friendship, home, life, love, travel
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Tuesday, August 31, 2010
The longest river in the world
"No, I won't go away. I won't leave you in this state."
"What state, this isn't a state, this is how I am, I want to be alone, don't you understand? Alone, alone, alone, alone, alone!"
"To do what, then?"
"Nothing! To do nothing, nothing at all!"
"Then write! Or make a collage, a movie, a song, do something with all that, at least it'll have been some use."
"You're driving me crazy with your enthusiasm, you always see the good side of things, I don't have a good side, that's what you can't seem to grasp. I want to be alone, to wait for nothing, hope for nothing, sleep eat hibernate, not to think, not to reflect, play Super Mario world on my computer, read old Elle magazines, novels I know by heart, keep underlining the same sentences, watch tv, drink milk, eat bread dipped in tea, and dance, dance by myself because I can't in front of others, not to cry, not to laugh, to get massaged, to be carressed, without reciprocating, inert, as inert as possible under the fngers of the masseuse who I pay for the luxury, snore, fall asleep!"
- An excerpt from "Nothing Serious" by Justine Levy
But even when the sky is falling and you're not here to hold it up anymore, that's what friends are for- a shoulder to cry on, a place of refuge and a voice of reason.
Labels: books, confession, friendship, life, love
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Monday, August 23, 2010
You've got my back
I'm not scared if you're not scared
I'll take this fear drop it off the bridge
Let it fall to the water
The water by the docks
In the heart of the city the grey big bridge
The bridge on the water, wheels on the bridge
Driving out to where the sky meets the water
And the water meets the rocks
Chorus:
You've got my back
I've got your back
There's a pelican
There's a pelican
Flying into the shore
He opens his wings
And his wing just carries him
When I was a kid I would freeze up
Standing on the diving board
I can't go back I must give way
To gravity, gravity, gravity
Repeat chorus
I'm so happy
I'm so happy to see you again
The rains and puddles and the birds are singing
And swimming in them
And swimming in them
They're singing if you let them go
The wind will carry it so just let go, let go
If you let go the wind will carry it
So just let go, just let go
If you go back the way you started
You never know, you never know
The wind is up and the voice is calling
Here we are, here we are
- "Pelican" by Hello Satellites
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Saturday, August 21, 2010
clutching at straws
Drive out with the sun in your eyes
You wasted my time
It's true, it's true
My god, don't you hold out your hand
I called off my plans
I counted on you, on you
And if you're ever left with any doubt
What you live with and what you'll do without
I'm only sorry that it took so long to figure out
- "Evening Kitchen" by Band of Horses
I am trying to stand on solid ground, but the sand keeps slipping under my feet. No one's playing the blame game, but I'm clutching at straws again.
A home filled with your possessions and mine, except like a pair of shoes yet broken into, I am reminded it no longer means anything. Bare walls, unread books, half-emptied wardrobes, boxes and suitcases.
This just means I am the one leaving, for good.
Labels: apartment, australia, confession, life, love, song, video
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Friday, August 20, 2010
the world spins madly on
"How eerie and distilled this night is. How strange and abandoned and unsettled I am. Like a snowdome paperweight that's been shaken. There's a blizzard in my bubble. Everything in my world that was steady and sure and sturdy has been shaken out of place, and it's now drifting and swirling back down into a confetti of debris. A book I knew by heart, torn up and thrown into the air. Everything has been rocked with such rigour and tumult. Everything has been uprooted and broken. A dozen disasters at once. I can't begin to collect the pieces and try to set them as they were. It's like I've got to crawl out of my own eggshell and emerge.. And a little like Jasper Jones, I no longer have the luxury of choosing the right time. I can't unfurl from my cocoon when I'm good and ready. I've been pulled out early and left in the cold."
- An excerpt from "Jasper Jones" by Craig Silvey
If there is one thing you learn, it is that life goes on.
You go to bed, toss and turn, yet another sleepless night. Wake up, get ready for work, hop on the train and tram, enter the classroom, your kids are ready and waiting. Some of them visibly perk up when you walk in. You pick up the marker, deliver your lesson with the usual tried-and-tested jokes, they laugh. Teaching sometimes feels like one big performance and they are your captive audience.
It's nice to know that even when everything in your world is falling apart, you can still bring something to these kids and make a difference in their lives. This is exactly why I love teaching and think I have the most rewarding job in the world.
Reminding yourself of the many things to be thankful for and the possibilities that lie ahead makes it a lot easier to put on your cloak of courage and fly.
Time for a new beginning, a fresh start!
It's nice to know that even when everything in your world is falling apart, you can still bring something to these kids and make a difference in their lives. This is exactly why I love teaching and think I have the most rewarding job in the world.
Reminding yourself of the many things to be thankful for and the possibilities that lie ahead makes it a lot easier to put on your cloak of courage and fly.
Time for a new beginning, a fresh start!
Labels: australia, confession, life, love
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Sunday, August 15, 2010
Hiatus
Birds leave their nest and they fly
There's nobody left here but I
I'll see you when I see you.
Labels: confession, life, song, video
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Sunday, July 18, 2010
Cold turn our breath into clouds
Labels: apartment, australia, cu, fashion, friendship, life, love, photo
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Saturday, June 26, 2010
exciting and new to say
It started with the loss of my sudoku mojo.
Strange but true- I simply woke up one morning and realized I couldn't play Sudoku anymore. I tried samurai sudoku, failed. Then the novice one in The Age, failed. And then the one on E's iPhone, failed. My sudoku mojo had surreptitiously abandoned me, and the numbers that used to make perfect sense and logic to me swirled around in my brain and went poof in a cloud of pink.
It must have been some kind of cosmic foreboding, because everything started going wrong after that.
I don't want to do go into details, nor do I wish to dwell on the negative. Life is all about learning your lessons and moving forward.
I was drowning in paperwork, trying to cut through red tape at every turn. Fingerprint impressions, police checks from three countries, teaching registration, online portfolio, statutory declarations, official documents, and endless phone calls and e-mails. So much for being done with my practicum because the real crunch begins now.
But I think I am in a good place now. I got a part-time job teaching high school maths and science back at the school I taught at over the summer, E and I are making plans for the near future and we are finally going to Sydney! Time to find out if I have been living in the wrong city all these while (according to Locky ;)).
I hope everyone is well. Us and our cameras and our wanderlust and random encounters and late nights in a strange city, I can hardly wait! :)
It's sincere and subjective all over the world
Superficial and true all over the world
Easy and predictable all over the world
Exciting and new to say I want you
- "All over the world " by The Pet Shop Boys
I was drowning in paperwork, trying to cut through red tape at every turn. Fingerprint impressions, police checks from three countries, teaching registration, online portfolio, statutory declarations, official documents, and endless phone calls and e-mails. So much for being done with my practicum because the real crunch begins now.
But I think I am in a good place now. I got a part-time job teaching high school maths and science back at the school I taught at over the summer, E and I are making plans for the near future and we are finally going to Sydney! Time to find out if I have been living in the wrong city all these while (according to Locky ;)).
I hope everyone is well. Us and our cameras and our wanderlust and random encounters and late nights in a strange city, I can hardly wait! :)
It's sincere and subjective all over the world
Superficial and true all over the world
Easy and predictable all over the world
Exciting and new to say I want you
- "All over the world " by The Pet Shop Boys
Labels: australia, confession, life, love
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Monday, June 7, 2010
The fringe benefit of failure
Warm words for a cold winter night.
"It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all. In which case, you fail by default.
Failure gave me an inner security that I have never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learnt no other way. I discovered that I had a strong will, and more discipline than I had suspected. I also found out that I have friends whose value was truly above the price of rubies.
The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are ever after secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift... and it has been worth more than any qualifications I have ever earned...
Personal happiness lies in knowing that life is not a checklist of acquisitions or achievements. Your qualifications, your CV, are not your life... Life is difficult and complicated and beyond anyone's total control. And the humility to know that will enable you to survive..."
- J.K. Rowling in her Harvard commencement speechYou can watch the full video here.
Labels: confession, life, video
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What use are wings if not to fly?
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoq7zFaRDayEh2rR59xv7dLkEYurlRny1ufgrAKl_lflM1c4Bn9HNnJoRiYf2TdyaeZPaYvDilivO_hgnhRG6SybVbLLOGSTkCQTsMW2M2G_aLLDBn3QJUI6ANMZSvoTWYz3pckw/")
Taken in Yarra Valley, Victoria
These photos were taken last year during my day trip to the wineries when Chaz was visiting.
I really need a holiday somewhere.
Labels: australia, confession, life, photo, travel
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Thursday, June 3, 2010
Dear uncertainty
With faith and courage, life will iron itself out.
Labels: confession, friendship, life
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Saturday, May 29, 2010
If you think you need some lovin'
Taken during summer in Box Hill, Melbourne
It's halfway into autumn and the temperature has been peaking at about 18 degrees. There is an unmistakable chill of winter in the air, and the cold reaches into my bones and I soon forget what the warmth of the sun feels like.
The children blithely run about in tatty t-shirts and tiny shorts. Aren't you cold, I ask. They respond with a look of incredulity on their faces that makes me wonder why I bothered to ask in the first place.
Watching them play, I often think about how much I missed out on as a kid. I remember spending a lot of time doing homework, attending art and tuition classes and going to the library, but I never had much outside time.
Don't get me wrong, it's not like I had an unhappy childhood, but I didn't climb any trees or trap insects in bottles and I never learnt how to ride the bicycle.
At the age of 27 I am still experiencing many firsts in my life. You're never too old, right?
“While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.” - Angela Schwindt
“While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.” - Angela Schwindt
Labels: australia, autumn, confession, culture, life, photo
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Tuesday, May 18, 2010
The Big Issue
Since the start of this year, I've made it a point to buy the Big Issue from vendors in the city.
The articles in the magazine are intelligent and informative, but more importantly it's nice to know that half of the money I pay goes directly into the vendors' pocket and helps them to help themselves.
Here's a blurb about how the Big Issue works-
The articles in the magazine are intelligent and informative, but more importantly it's nice to know that half of the money I pay goes directly into the vendors' pocket and helps them to help themselves.
Here's a blurb about how the Big Issue works-
The Big Issue Street Magazine Enterprise is a unique business solution to a social problem; using the publishing model to produce a quality product, the sale of which provides opportunities for homeless, marginalised and disadvantaged people to make positive changes in their lives.
Authorised vendors buy the magazine for $2.50 from The Big Issue and sell it on the streets for $5, keeping the difference.
Since its launch in 1996, The Big Issue vendors in Australia have sold over 5 million magazines, with almost $10 million going into the pockets of Australia's homeless and unemployed.
Labels: australia, culture, life, video
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Sunday, May 16, 2010
I'll be my own best friend
It's funny how I am so used to blogging that when I'm not updating my blog, I sometimes replay my day as how I would have written it out when I'm in bed or having some quiet time. (Nerd alert!)
I wish my thoughts could magically transpose themselves onto the web with moving images and sounds so that you can all know what I'm up to, but technology has not caught up with me yet!
So I managed to run full steam for about 2 weeks before my body succumbed, partly from stress and overwork and partly from the sudden dip in temperature. I came down with a coughing fit (although not as bad as the time in Tokyo I was sick for 2 entire weeks) and a terrible sore throat and had to call in sick to my practicum school 2 days in a row. All my body needed was complete bed rest and I am feeling much better now!
Apart from that, I've been doing some serious soul searching about what to do after I graduate but I think I'll be able to make a much better decision once my current state of busy-ness dies down. I reckon a pro-con list a la Rory from Gilmore Girls is in order.
In the meantime, Mellie is relocating to Singapore with Mamo and Jo is heading home as well, which makes for a very strong case to me being back, but there are so many variables at play. Life is a lot less complicated in the absence of choice.
I promise my life will be a lot more exciting in 2-3 weeks time!
In the meantime, Mellie is relocating to Singapore with Mamo and Jo is heading home as well, which makes for a very strong case to me being back, but there are so many variables at play. Life is a lot less complicated in the absence of choice.
I promise my life will be a lot more exciting in 2-3 weeks time!
Labels: australia, confession, friendship, health, life, photo
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Saturday, April 10, 2010
Humbled
"Excellence is a better teacher than mediocrity. The lessons of the ordinary are everywhere. Truly profound and original insights are to be found only in studying the exemplary." - Warren G. Bennis
He's the kind of teacher I aspire to be, and has left me humbled and inspired.
Labels: australia, confession, life, photo
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Thursday, April 8, 2010
Surburbia
Labels: australia, life, photo
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Wednesday, March 17, 2010
One more time with feeling
Your stitches are all out
But your scars are healing wrong
And the helium balloon inside your room has come undone
And it's pushing up at the ceiling
And the flickering lights it cannot get beyond
Oh everyone takes turns
Now it's yours to play the part
And they're sitting all around you
Holding copies of your chart
And the misery in their eyes
Is synchronized and reflected into yours
Hold on
One more time with feeling
Try it again
Breathing's just a rhythm
Say it in your mind
Until you know that the words are right
This is, why we, fight
You thought by now you'd be
So much better than you are
You thought by now they'd see
That you had come so far
And the pride inside their eyes
Would synchronize into a love you've never know
So much more than you've been shown
Hold on
One more time with feeling
Try it again
Breathing's just a rhythm
Say it in your mind
Until you know that the words are right
This is, why we, fight
This is, why, we fight
Labels: confession, life, song, video
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Monday, March 15, 2010
I am on the outside of truth,
And I'm looking in at you
And I'm looking in at you
Taken at a windmill farm in Gippsland, Victoria
I'm running out of time.
Faced with what seems like never-ending deadlines, I struggle to find motivation and meaning in keeping up, despite the fact that I really only have 3 more weeks of lectures and 5 weeks of teaching rounds. Some days are much harder than the rest.
I need to maintain my grades in hope that I'd be offered a job upon graduation, and I need to find a job in order that I can continue to stay here, and I need to stay because... I wish I could write with clarity and conviction, but I don't always have the answers.
I feel like I'm fighting this battle alone, and I need you not to brush me aside with a cursory answer. I need you to be here, and I need you to understand why I feel the way I feel.
Hoping this will pass.
Labels: australia, confession, life
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Friday, March 5, 2010
A walk down memory lane
Three years ago today, I was training some clients in the Bloomberg office when we were struck by the aftershocks of the Indonesian earthquake. It was my first experience of tremors, but certainly not my last. When I moved to Japan, earthquakes (and typhoons) became a common occurrence in my life.
Two years ago today, I was living in Tokyo and dating an unfortunate character by the name of R. I needed a rebound guy after P and I broke up. The relationship lasted all of 2 months before it fizzled out, but I am glad it happened because it brought E and I closer. I remember all the exasperated phone calls and smses to E when R went MIA, and when I did meet up with R he tried to convince me that E and I were obviously into each other and that I should date E instead. Go figure.
One year ago today, E and I were in Singapore, just after our week-long trip to India. E was heading back to Melbourne for a month to visit his ailing grandmother, and I decided to buy a ticket to be with him for 10 days. Little did I know that he would inform me that he had decided to move back for good when he arrived home, which came as a complete surprise to me because he had bought a return ticket. To cut a long story short, that was the beginning of about 6 months of drama where we were on and off (and on and off, you get the drift) and I ended up moving to Melbourne to do my postgraduate studies.
I am a believer of fate. I know that all the events that have happened in life have led me to where I am today. Just 8 weeks shy of completing my teaching diploma, it is time to figure out what my next step is going to be.
And where are you headed, my friends?
Labels: australia, confession, japan, life, love, memories, travel, work
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Monday, March 1, 2010
Goodbye summer
Labels: australia, confession, life, memories, photo, summer
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