There are some things in life that are easy to be resolute again, bad habits that need to be kicked- like late-night suppers, drinking too much, having a "social" cigarette when you're out with your friends, buying yet another handbag that you don't need and would hardly use.
But the matters that come in shades of grey, that don't have a parental seal of disapproval on it, those that are the things that I remain irresolute about.
Like, should I ask for a transfer to a branch nearer to my house? Commuting for close to 3 hours a day is no fun, and I am tired from the travelling even before I start teaching. But my supervisor and staff are wonderful people to work with, many of my students I have come to know on a personal level, and the ratings at my branch are one of the highest in Japan.
Or, how long more should I stay in Japan? After my most recent trip home and in the weeks that followed, there is the growing feeling that perchance I am done with this country. It has been good to me, no doubt, and I would have been a frog-in-the-well if I had stayed in the tiny island of Singapore. This was where I met Mellie, my soul sister and E, the most amazing man God could possibly send me (plus many other people I am grateful to). This is where I have learnt invaluable life skills and developed real independence, this is where I have lived through my first four seasons. Whatever will I do with all the possessions I have accumulated in my time here- a bookshelf filled with novels, a gigantic wardrobe full of clothes and all the odds and ends I have bought to make my apartment a home to call my own?
And, where do I go from here? Should I go home and be reunited with my dearest family and friends, whom I have learnt to appreciate so much more now that I have been away for a while? Should I spend time volunteering in Thailand or Cambodia, fulfilling my dream to work with children in underdeveloped countries? Should I continue saving to do a part-time course in design in Melbourne, where I have found the perfect school to study in?
Decisions, decisions, decisions and tick tock tick tock goes the clock that reminds me ever so often that I am not as young as I used to be.
If only there was a crystal ball I could look into.