Hey what's that you say?
You're not blaming me for anything
Well that's great
But I don't break that easy
Does it fade away?
So that's why I'm apologizing now for telling you
I thought that we could make it
I just don't get enough to believe that we've both changed
So who am I to say this situation isn't great?
It's my time to make the most of it
Of course I didn't know that this would happen to me
Not that easy, no, no, no, no
All along the fault is up for grabs
Why can't you have it
If it's for sale, what is your offer?
I'll sell it for no less than what I bought it for
Pay no more than absolutely zero
Well neither one of us deserves the blame
Because opportunities moved us away
And it's not an easy thing to learn to play a game
That's made for two, that's you and me
The rules remain a mystery
You wrestle with your own thoughts, your logic at battle with your emotions. When words fail you and you listen to a dozen different songs that seem to articulate the story of your life with such wretched honesty. I just miss you, that's all.
Drive out with the sun in your eyes You wasted my time
It's true, it's true
My god, don't you hold out your hand
I called off my plans
I counted on you, on you
And if you're ever left with any doubt
What you live with and what you'll do without
I'm only sorry that it took so long to figure out
- "Evening Kitchen" by Band of Horses
I am trying to stand on solid ground, but the sand keeps slipping under my feet. No one's playing the blame game, but I'm clutching at straws again.
A home filled with your possessions and mine, except like a pair of shoes yet broken into, I am reminded it no longer means anything. Bare walls, unread books, half-emptied wardrobes, boxes and suitcases.
Three pots and a pint, you and me in a bar talking into the night. Holding hands, laughing, making plans. We could be here, or somewhere else, anywhere really. As long as I have you, it's good enough for me.
"It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all. In which case, you fail by default.
Failure gave me an inner security that I have never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learnt no other way. I discovered that I had a strong will, and more discipline than I had suspected. I also found out that I have friends whose value was truly above the price of rubies.
The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are ever after secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift... and it has been worth more than any qualifications I have ever earned...
Personal happiness lies in knowing that life is not a checklist of acquisitions or achievements. Your qualifications, your CV, are not your life... Life is difficult and complicated and beyond anyone's total control. And the humility to know that will enable you to survive..."
Sorting all the lights and darks
Making sure our love won't lose that spark
You really didn't have to
Funny pictures that you take
Dinner out instead of shake and bake
You really didn't have to.
Movies and magazines
Filling our heads with dreams
Love is the little things
Love changes everything.
Picking me up after work
Putting up with all my silly quirks
You really didn't have to
Saying that my cooking is great
While you try to hide a stomachache
You really didn't have to
Movies and magazines
Filling our heads with dreams
Love is the little things
Love changes everything.
Movies and magazines,
Filling our heads with dreams.
Love is the little things.
Like diamonds
(Spoken)
Jack: Woah, woah, woah... like what?
Nataly Dawn: Like...diamonds.
Jack: Diamonds aren't little things.
Nataly Dawn: Little diamonds are little things...
Since the start of this year, I've made it a point to buy the Big Issue from vendors in the city.
The articles in the magazine are intelligent and informative, but more importantly it's nice to know that half of the money I pay goes directly into the vendors' pocket and helps them to help themselves.
Here's a blurb about how the Big Issue works-
The Big Issue Street Magazine Enterprise is a unique business solution to a social problem; using the publishing model to produce a quality product, the sale of which provides opportunities for homeless, marginalised and disadvantaged people to make positive changes in their lives.
Authorised vendors buy the magazine for $2.50 from The Big Issue and sell it on the streets for $5, keeping the difference.
Since its launch in 1996, The Big Issue vendors in Australia have sold over 5 million magazines, with almost $10 million going into the pockets of Australia's homeless and unemployed.
I occasionally watch the vendors in action and it's interesting to see how a lot of people just rush past and act like they haven't noticed them. If you meet one today, why not stop and buy a copy from them? It would make their day and I assure you the magazine won't disappoint!
Change your heart, look around you Change your heart, it will astound you I need your loving like the sunshine Everyone's gotta learn sometime
On days when your world's spinning out of control and the things you cannot articulate hover above you like a dark, dark cloud and your heart feels like it's about to burst, you stop.
You stop and breathe. Deep.
So give me a word to hold on to. A word that will give me courage and hope, a word that will put everything into perspective.
One step at a time. Everything is going to be okay.
Your stitches are all out But your scars are healing wrong And the helium balloon inside your room has come undone And it's pushing up at the ceiling And the flickering lights it cannot get beyond
Oh everyone takes turns Now it's yours to play the part And they're sitting all around you Holding copies of your chart And the misery in their eyes Is synchronized and reflected into yours
Hold on One more time with feeling Try it again Breathing's just a rhythm Say it in your mind Until you know that the words are right This is, why we, fight
You thought by now you'd be So much better than you are You thought by now they'd see That you had come so far And the pride inside their eyes Would synchronize into a love you've never know So much more than you've been shown Hold on One more time with feeling Try it again Breathing's just a rhythm Say it in your mind Until you know that the words are right This is, why we, fight This is, why, we fight
Grey is a young woman lost beyond hope. Jilted, depressed and alone, she makes a life-ending decision on Valentines Day, when a hapless singing bear-o-gram changes the course of events.
"There had better be blood" by Charles William
The overactive imagination of rival brothers land them in trouble.
"Fish Lips" by Duane Fogwell
A story about love, about family, about fish fingers, and a game called Yahtzee!
This is E's favourite entry-
"Falling Backwards" by Harrison Murray
A man stand naked and alone in his torn apart living room. A kitchen knife lies limp amongst the broken glass on his floor. How can unraveling the pieces help change what has already happened? Can regret overcome fate?
And the winner of the competition-
"Shock" by Abe Forsythe
A broken Man awakes to be confronted with his life, and the choices he's made. His past, present and future collide as he faces the inevitable...
I was buying a pot of beer in the city the other day, flashing my orthodontic bling bling when the bartender asked me for my ID. I showed her my uni card and my Japanese alien card, but apparently neither counted. 'You really should carry your Australia ID with you the next time," she chastised before grudgingly giving me my beer.
This happens to me fairly often when I am out in the city- apparently I can pass off as a 16 year-old, and it is both amusing and insulting that they find it hard to believe I am really 27. I have my Asian blood to thank for that, and my new braces certainly wouldn't help my cause either.
In other news, I am absolutely swamped with uni work and don't have much else to say except that I am sad to see summer go.
E and I thought that the Thai food festival was on today at Fed Square, so we skipped lunch to save our stomachs for a major Thai street feast. You can imagine our disappointment when we found out that the event was on the 21st of March and not February. Doh!
Instead, there was a growing crowd in front of the big screen and we decided to walk up to the "Info Tent" to ask them what was happening. Turned out there was a live telecast ofTropfest (the world's largest short-film festival) in the evening, so E and I quickly headed to Chinatown for dinner before going back to join in the merriment!
The trailer for the event had a hint of "Stranger than Fiction" (one of my favourite movies staring Will Ferell and Emma Thompson) and pretty much set the tone for the 16 shortlisted candidates-
Because everyone has a story to tell.
Some of my favourites included "Happenstance" by John Marsh, "There Had Better Be Blood" by Charles Williams and "Fishlips" by Duane Fogwell. Hopefully they will be available on YouTube soon so that I can share them with you. :)
I've had this song on repeat for the past few nights.
I'm sentimental So I walk in the rain I've got some habits That I can't explain Could start for the corner Turn up in Spain Why try to change me now
Today was the start of my second and last semester of my Dip Ed course, and before you know it, I'd be graduating!
My first semester was hardly a bed of roses- friends would know that I had to overcome a lot of obstacles before life slowly ironed itself out, but I am proud that I put in my best and did well. This semester, I am looking to keep up the good work and more importantly, develop a personal teaching philosophy and hone my skills. Forgetting what lies behind, setting my heart on the prize.
It's hard to return to the life of a starving undergraduate student, but I saved up some money over the summer working 6 days a week so hopefully it will help me breathe a little better the next few months.
Chinese New Year is just around the corner and I'm almost feeling homesick. I hope everyone is doing well, whatever corner of the world you are in.
But I no longer listen to the radio and have no idea who the latest stars or hits are, except when friends recommend them to me or I stumble upon them on YouTube or someone else's blog, and my musical tastes are probably stuck in the nineties and noughties.
This means I only ever sing the same few songs over and over again, which makes it a bit of a bore. Plus there's so much else I'd rather be doing then stuck in a poorly-ventilated room having overpriced diluted drinks and hearing other people warble and wail!
The other day, E and I turned up for a karaoke event organized by our friend J. Now he LOVES karaoke, in a I-take-singing-classes-and-almost-went-for-an-Australian-Idol-audition and I-know-the-words-and-the-titles-of-all-the-latest-hits way. This guy could probably operate the touchscreen menu with his eyes closed!
As much as we love J, we didn't enjoy his song choices. With most of the songs, the lyrics were cheesy and meaningless, the melodies unimaginative and repetitive. We heard Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours" butchered THREE times, each version worse than the last. After a painful 4 hours, we left early. I heard the others continued on until 4 in the morning...
I don't think I'll be singing karaoke for a very, very, very long time.
Months after they broke up, he would call or message her at the most random of times.
He hated it when she told him this, but it was true- he treated her the way his mother treated him.
He would never ask her what she was up to or how she was doing. Instead, the focus of their conversations was always on him.
Sometimes it felt like they were in a competition she didn't ask to be in- if she said she was planning a trip somewhere, he would quickly plan a trip of his own, except it had to be bigger and better. Then he would talk about the fancy gadgets he had just bought and how she might get to see them someday, as if it mattered to her.
At other times he would go on about how much he hated his life- his mounting tuition loan from his Ivy-League education, his overbearing parents, his dead-end of a career.
It could be 2 a.m. and she would have to go to work the next day, but that never stopped him. He knew that she would always answer his calls, that she would always listen, and that she would always have something nice to say to him.
But her patience gradually wore thin and the countless "you're allowing him to do this to you" warnings from her girlfriend somehow came through to her.
She stopped picking up his calls, and she stopped being his emotional punching bag. She even started seeing other men.
It was the petering out of the relationship that she hated the most- the end of the end, when neither sides had the the energy nor desire to maintain a facade of caring.
Eventually, they both moved on, and there was no longer any longing or grief, nor disappointment or anger. No more "if only"s or any need for explanations or answers.
From time to time she would hear about him, but it seemed after 2 years he was still the same, although she had changed in a hundred different ways.